dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
