My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you never un-have a 4some
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
