Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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