just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
