I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
