I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I need a beard to bite.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
