i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
