so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
