My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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