shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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