Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
