so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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