I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
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Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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