Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
