I feel great
I just peed on a car
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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