When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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