What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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