I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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