Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
