Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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