life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
