honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
