Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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