Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
