I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
