I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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