Umm I'm too high to move.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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