what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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