"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
