i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
