I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
