You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
