Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Randomize
