My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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