call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
this will be a night to untag.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
