I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She's the barista slut.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
