good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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