Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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