I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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