Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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