I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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