this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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