return my video game
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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