A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
