I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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