I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
