I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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