Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
