he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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