She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
