okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
