if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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