you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
jump out the window naked night went bad
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
