This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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