Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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