I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Mom said you looked used
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
