he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
