fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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