I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
