I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
