i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
