omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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