Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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