It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
