I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
