Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
