I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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