i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
