Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
