Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
