Duck Duck Cougar?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
